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Patience..

Courage..

Determination

and

Confidence

IS WHAT I NEED..

Bout the aspirancy..first and foremost..i joined the training for experience sake..but as days passed,i really enjoyed it..and i told myself i will never quit..i was so determined..bUt yesterday..in just one snap not even thinking twice..i've decided to quit bcos of some reasons..it may be "mababaw" but i knew it would be best for me..i did something wrong and i knew i deserve to be punished.. before nga, my friends find me weird pa kc sbe ko gusto ko mapahirapan para may thrill.may challenge pero yesterday....i dunno what happened to me..suddenly i felt like giving up..not thinking how far ive gone through na..maybe bcos im so weak..this past few days..i was so depressed..tpos dumagdag pa nga ung incident yesterday..i just hate myself for being like this..im such a quitTer.i easily give up..i dunno how to fight...it all boils down to just one conclusion..that I"M SUCH A WEAK PERSON..

EMOTIONLESS

Good charlotte

Hey dad
I'm writing to you
Not to tell you, that i still hate you
Just to ask you
How you feel
And how we fell apart
How this fell apart

Are you happy out there in this great wide world?
Do you think about your sons?
Do you miss your little girl?
When you lay your head down
How do you sleep at night?
Do you even wonder if we're all right?

But we're all right
We're all right

Chorus:
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok,
But we're all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now, i'm writing just to let you know that i'm still alive

The days i spent so cold, so hungry
Were full of hate
I was so angry
Those scars run deep inside this tattooed body
There's things i'll take, to my grave
But i'm okay
I'm okay

Chorus:
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok,
But we're all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, i'm writing just to let you know that i'm still alive
Yeah, i'm still alive

Sometimes…
I forgive
Yeah and this time
I'll admit
That i miss you, said i miss you

Chorus:
It's been a long hard road without you by my side
Why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
You broke my mother's heart
You broke your children for life
It's not ok,
But we're all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes
But those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, i'm writing just to let you know that were still alive

And sometimes
I forgive
And this time
I'll admit, that i miss you, miss you
Hey dad

Hai!! whatta lyf! im sad im depressed! im hopeles!! when i was a kid i was so excited when i knew christmas was fast approaching but this time its the other way around..i hate it and at this point i cant even feel the spirit of xmas..and its because i know i wouldnt celebrate it with the WHOLE family.. yeah..unlike before we're all hapyy..we're all together!! its so hard to adjust and to accept reality but i dont have any other choice but to accept it and face MY world ..good thing i have my friends with me..i get my strength from them yet i can still feel the pain whenever im left alone..i hate this feeling..2da point that i just cry it all out not knowing what will happen next!!clueless! why did this happen to us?? i thought it would be easy to accept the fact that we have this kind of set up but its true as the saying goes..the truth hurts..i pretend to be happy..i smile..i laugh..but deep inside..im HURT..so hurt..

i hate YOU!! if not because of you..we should all be together at this point of time.. though i treat you this way..it doesnt actually mean that i had forgiven you already..you ruined my life!! you ruined everything!! i really hate you!! if only you knew how hard to live a life like this!! EMOTIONLESS is a song that could actually relate to our situation..except for the fact that i had forgiven you already..HECK NO!! i lost my respect on you.. i know people make mistakes and they are to be forgiven but it's hard to forgive when the person who comitted the mistke isnt really sorry for what he had done...damn!! instead of changing for the better..he's making things worst...and he doesnt deserve to be forgiven!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!

Long time nO pOst .....well i was just too busy and cra tong computer nmEn..amp!! hahaha.. un..dunnO wEr to stArt ..der are alOt of things that had haPpened na eh..

niwei i wont make kwnto na in detail,,hehehe..we went to manila the night of novEmber 30..to visit my mom and besxie had plans of surprising hm dn kc..e un sUccesfuL aman kmE hehe.. hmMm..we wEnt hOme the night of dec.4!! tus how hectic i slept lang for 1 hour ata..we arrived kc mga 3..e i had to wake up at 4 to memorize that polyatomic iOns from the periOdic table..grBe an lUpet! ambaba ng nakuha ko hehe..tUs un everything went well na.. hmm that whOle week was fine except fOr the results of my qUizzes in chem..hihih..but goOd enAf..mjO im coping up na sa triGo nmEn!! thAnk gOd!! bwahaha!!

Dec.10,2005

biGai-pusO dAy that dAy..nkakaexcite.. haha..at first nga after the mass..hnanap nmen ung assigned nO. sAmen..bUh naman!! ala b nMan..hai..we were so dissapOinted ...so we toOk oUr snacks mUna.. then we went bAck na sa PLC hall...we approached miss ching nga asking her if we cud adopt someone else since ang alam nga nmen..absent ung amin..hmm..then un we checked agen if nandun na aadopt nmEn,,heheh....yahOo,,andun na xa.. a cUte little girl, e un.... tpos bEa adopted also a little bOy..un we treated them fOr lunch in mCdo.. hmm...then we bOught them stUff in marineLLa..hOpe dEy liKed it.and i hOpe they did enjOy the short tym we spEnt wd each other..hmm at around 2,we brOught them bAk na tus i went hOme narin!! hmmmm..that endEd the activity for that dAy!!

**yiHee,,2 dAys nLang......hahaha.....bstah a hAlfee dAy...

DecEmbEr 12,2005...

hmmmmmmmm......a hAlfee bUrpday toO meEh..thOugh he's fAr from me..i'm still halfee cOz despite my failures and mistakes i've dOne..he is still there to acCept me fOr who i am..hmm..stAy the sAme and i hOpe u'l still be the same as time pAss by..and thOugh alam kong lOko loko ka..i still trUst yOu and ill always understand oUr situatiOn!!I MISS YOU!!